Friday, November 30, 2012

Getting out of my on way...

"When we talk too much... we listen too a good listener..."

So last night I was having a conversation with a male friend and he, in a round about way, poured his heart out to me about his feelings.  At that moment I realized that I haven't been a good listener when it comes to him because this is not the first time he has expressed himself in this manner.  Yet I let past situations (luggage) surface and go in defense mode.  It is truly necessary to let go of the past because it has caused me to put a padlock on my heart and not trust anyone with it.

So in the mist of the back and forth conversation we were having I SHUT UP... I LISTENED...  I was able to really take in what he was saying and I am considering getting out of my own way and giving him the opportunity to make good on what he has told me...

Peace and blessings

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Easy for others, hard for me...

Today while doing my daily facebook fix, I noticed that an ex-boyfriend of mine has changed his relationship status to engaged....  While I am very happy for his happiness this is the 2nd marriage that he has had since we broke up and his 4th time getting married altogether...  I am not saying that is a bad or good thing but I often wonder why it is so easy for some people to not only find a mate but also fall in love so quickly.  Does this mean there is something ultimately wrong with me?  Am I in the wrong places making myself available for love? 

This is a pretty interesting and lingering thought that I have today.  I almost find myself wanting to settle but I know me better than that...

Peace and Blessings

Monday, November 12, 2012

Great Weekend...

So I just had to share that I had a great weekend.  I went on a bus trip to Charlotte, NC to attend the Panthers vs. Bronco football game.  The good thing about being in a city like Charlotte is there are so many things you can do and see without traveling to far out. 

This is the 4th year I have participated on this bus trip and this year I was able to eat at Flemings Steakhouse.  Although I did not have the steak everyone else around me seemed to be very pleased with the steak they purchased for dinner.  About 20 of use sat around the table and we were able to share sides and partake in some good food.  I had the scallops, vegetables, Fleming potatoes, and macaroni and cheese...  I was pleasantly pleased with the food and can't wait to be able to go back there again.

Saturday night we attended the Bobcats vs Mavericks basketball game.  Couldn't beat paying $16 to see them play and for a change the Bobcats won in overtime... The next thing on the agenda was to go to a night club but I didn't make it.  After that meal and the game this sister was TIRED.  I called myself taking a little nap and it was a done deal.  Once I laid in my bed I was done until the next morning...

On Sunday after everyone got breakfast for themselves we boarded the bus and headed to the stadium for the game.  I love football because fans are so loyal and have a ball tailgating and just being fans at the game.  It turned out to be a great sunny day and the weather was in the low 70s.  The only downside to going with a group is the seats were almost touching the sun.  Climbing the stairs to get to your seats is a workout so the best thing to do is get EVERYTHING you need prior to getting to your seat because no one wants to climb those stairs multiple times...  LOL

I am telling you about this experience because being single doesn't mean you can't still do the things you enjoy.  I go on this trip by myself and I have developed some good acquaintances which is alway a plus.  I hope your weekend went well. 

BTW: Didn't take many pictures so sorry about that... Next trip I will...

Peace and Blessings

Friday, November 9, 2012

Online Dating...

So I have decided to try online dating sites again...  What are your thoughts?  I really haven't been going out many places lately to even meet new faces so I figured this would be an avenue.  In the past I have met some nice men and developed SOME good friendships. 

Would this be a option for you in your world of dating and if so what sites do you suggest? Is online dating any different from meeting a random person at a bar or gas station?  Often times I get mixed reviews about the online dating scene. But I just thought I would keep those who read this blog up to date with my efforts... LOL

Peace and Blessings

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

As the holidays approach...

Those who know me, know that I absolutely love the holidays...  I love Thanksgiving and I love Christmas...  For me there is this HAPPY feeling in the atmosphere.  I get the most joy out of being able to visit my family out of town.  This year I plan on spending Thanksgiving in NY with my dad and step-mother.  I especially like it there because my step-mother cooks so much food.  It is peaceful to be away from home and my daughters love to go shopping on black Friday in SoHo...  They really think they are New Yorkers by way of Virginia... LOL 

 I know I talk a lot about relationships with the opposite sex but I also think relationships with my family and friends are just as important.  Although there can be some messed up family members there is nothing like gathering during the holidays and laughing about things from the past and filling our stomachs with some good food.  I hopefully think that one day I will have a home big enough to invite my family to and cook for them.  I never thought I would say this but I LOVE to cook and would be happy to share my skills with my family.

This year for Christmas I am thinking that I am going to try to and change my relationship with my mom.  I think with effort I could possibly do this.  We will see. 

How do you spend your holiday time?

Peace and Blessings

Monday, November 5, 2012

So many right things in my life

I do understand that I am responsible for my own happiness and typically I am a happy person...  While I am soo happy with my life I am not satisfied with the current relationship status that I have been in for what seems to be a lifetime... 

Everything is going right for me in my mind but that...  I have a good job, great kids, great friends, and I am working on my MBA.... All this going on and no one to share it with....  WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN? 

And I know I have started taking ballet, running, classes, keeping my girls busy, and anything else that will keep me busy to divert the attention away from the fact that I WANT TO HAVE A COMPANION... 

Lord help me...


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Settling for the Best!!!

The last couple of years for me have been ever so challenging in the dating department.  I was in what I thought was everlasting relationship only to get let down by deceit.  I have met a few men who just didn't live up to the standards they talked about and I also met a man who was not ready for the commitment I desire.  These experience could make it easy for a person to settle for the next thing smoking whether they are good for them or not. 

I have decided however to refuse to settle unless it is with a person that is a good fit for me.  I am pretty sure I don't have unrealistic standards for what I require in a mate.  I want to be treated fairly and loved deeply.  I don't want to be lied to.  I want a companion.  I want trust.  I want to be able to agree to disagree.  At the age of 36 I do not want to play games.  I want consistency.  I want a friend.  I want my relationship to be blessed by God.  The list could go on and on but I don't think I am being unreasonable.

While I do see a lot of relationships and marriages ending, I also see a good population of my friends making it work...  I desire to be like them.

Just some random thoughts as I go through this season of being single...

Peace and blessing,

Friday, September 28, 2012

Always on guard...

I was talking to one of my male BFF's about a situation I have been in and he told me that I am always on guard... I am sure this is a true statement but how do I not be that way...  How do we not let the past render it's head and take affect on our behaviors when it comes to new relationships?

My friend followed-up by saying it was going to take time for me to let my guard down because of a few dudes that have let me down or disappointed me in the recent past. I don't think I am bitter but I do know that  I have a very hard time trusting dudes now a days.  I AM SCARED TO BE HURT AGAIN!!!  It really is that simple...

Letting down my gaurd again at this point in my life is not an option for me.  I refuse to be a victim of someone else's lies and deceit...

Such is life

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Thank you for being so sweet - 25 Sweet Little Love Notes

As an appreciation gesture I wanted to give you an opportunity to download my little love notes.   So if you do have that special someone in your life you can use these examples of love notes as a great gesture to them.  And the best part about it is they are FREE...  Enjoy... Just click the add to card button and follow the instructions from there...

25 Sweet Little Love Notes
Add to Cart

Peace and blessings Shivawn

Monday, August 6, 2012

Single with kids...

I was speaking to my best friend a few weeks ago and we were talking about me attempting to date while being a single parent of a tween and a teen.  I was explaining to her about me going out sometimes and leaving the kids home because they are of a age where I feel comfortable with them being home alone for a few hours.  My best friend attempting to give me the best "advise" she could basically told me that I need to just concentrate on my children and not to worry about dating until they both were out of the house because it would have an effect on them.  Hmmm.  I beg to differ on so many levels. 


I personally don't think so.    I think there can be a healthy balance between my parenthood life and my dating life. 

One thing I know for sure is my children DO NOT have to meet every man I date, especially when I am just casually dating...  I am NOT LOOKING for a husband off the back so it is not necessary for them to meet every single man...  Plus, how would that appear to them on my behalf? 

Another thing to note is my children have active extracurricular schedules.  Band, basketball, and friends so they are never tide strickley to the house all the time.  If I made them stay in the house all the time while I go out partying and such I believe they would start to have ill feelings.

What are your thoughts?  Are you currently in this type of situation?  How do you handle it?

Peace and Blessings.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Another mini-vacation....

So if you have been reading my blog for a while you know I am passionate about my mini-vacations.  So this weekend I will be traveling to California for the Party in Palm Springs.  This is an annual event and this will be my 3rd time attending.  I like this event because it is a mature crowd and we all have a great time. 

It is also a good way for me to get out of my comfort zone of my east coast home town.  Of course as always I will post some pictures of the trip once I am back and settled in...  I hope all is well with you...

Peace and Blessings....

Thursday, July 5, 2012

How I deal with love...

I attempt to be transparent most of the time in this blog as I want to be able to relate to the people who choose to read it.  So for the last few months I have been hanging out with this man.  We have no title, we are just friends.  Unfortunately, the timing has been off as far as where I am in my relationship goals and where he is...  I decided to hang out with him because at the time of our introductions I wasn't attached and I was craving the company of someone.  He fell right into place.  The friendship has been amazing. 

Without all the complications of having a title (boyfriend/girlfriend) I have allowed this friendship to develop naturally and I find myself loving this man.  Technically I do love him based on the definition:

love (noun)

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

Now how do I deal with this since we have clearly defined our friendship as just a friendship?  It is difficult.  Love is a strong and powerful emotion.  It can make me vulnerable and open to get emotional hurt, especially when the feeling isn't mutual.  I am just going to continue to go with the flow and keep telling myself that we are just friends.
Oh well just some early morning ramblings...
Peace and Blessings

Monday, July 2, 2012

Is love overrated???

Is love overrated? I mean it feels good but hurts like hell. Is the good feeling worth the pain? One minute your laughing and cuddling and the next your crying and hurting. Is love overrated?

Monday, June 18, 2012


According to entitlement is belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

Today I come to you to discuss why some people think they have entitlement with me.  The one and only cause of this is because of me being so accommodating and pretty much almost always saying yes.  I fully take the blame to such sense of entitlement from some people.  The good thing about it on my part is that I have full control of reversing this sense of entitlement.  It may not feel good to the party receiving at first and may indeed have adverse affects on my relationships or friendships but like I have said before I am the only one who is in FULL control of my happiness. 

So me telling an friend or associate "No" doesn't mean I love you any less than I did before.  What it does mean is I love myself just a little more and no longer will be taken for granted or advantage of...  It's that simple. 

Peace and Blessings...  

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Weekend Birthday Get-A-Way...

This past weekend I decided to take my self on a mini get-a-way for my birthday...  I recently started a job with a new company so I can't take any vacation time yet...  I am limited to weekends so I decided to take myself to the Grandover Resort in Greensboro, NC.  It is not a far drive in my opinion and an ex-boyfriend introduce the place to me a while ago...

It is good to get a little secluded from outside distractions at times as I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with being a mother and helping my family out.  During this weekend I scheduled myself a 50 min massage and a 50 min pedicure... What an amazing experience...

I also got in my car and wandered around Greensboro until I found the downtown area and ended up at the International Civil Rights Center & Museum.  I had no intentions of taking the tour but found myself compelled to do so.  That was probably the best decision I had made the whole weekend.  Although the museum wasn't robust with artifacts and such it was definitely surreal...  I would recommend that museum to anyone who ask and if I could remember the name of the tour guide I would surely make sure you got her because she was so full of energy and knowledge...  And she made sure you knew she is and AGGIE alumnae.  I don't know how many times she chanted "AGGIE PRIDE" during that tour... LOL

Most of the people who know me well know I am a loner.  I needed this weekend so much...  It gave me some time to reflect on a few things and get motivated again about this blog and some other projects I have been working on. 

Until next time, peace and blessings...

Friday, June 8, 2012

Embracing the things I have no control over...

I often use this blog as a way of venting about my single life.  I am embracing it and pretty much okay with being single.  Not ALL days are good ones but most of them are.  Lately I have really embraced the fact that I really have no control over my current relationship status.  All I can do is continue to be open to a relationship happening and eventually it will. 

I think to often we (singles) go on this journey of "finding" someone.  So it is almost like we set off on this journey searching for this person that meets some type of requirements we have set.  I have to honestly say for me it does not work out to well.  I would rather fall into a relationship with someone and it be unexpected.  In my opinion if it happens naturally then it is possible that person is meeting most of your expectations without you having to check off your requirements document. 

I find that I will gravitate to that one individual who is meeting those expectations and eventually not being open enough to allow someone else to enter in.  The transition from friendship to relationship shouldn't be difficult I believe.  If you are someone who peaks my interest enough to keep me focused on you then you just may be the winner in this rat race... LOL

Thanks for reading,
Peace and Blessings

BTW: My birthday is in 4 days!!!  :)

Friday, May 18, 2012

In a little funk...

Every now and again I do get in a little funk about my current relationship status.  Today just happens to be one of those times.  I could sit around having a pity party about it but instead I decided to just write some of my thoughts in this blog post.

Well my first thought is why has it been so difficult at 35 for me to come across a match...  They don't have to be perfect but they have to be in the same head space as me.  I hope to someday be with a man I can call my friend first and secondly we be in the same head space at the same time.  What I mean is we are in search of something more out of our friendship which leads to a more productive relationship and so on and so forth. 

My second thought is are my standards to high.  Am I being unrealistic with my relationship expectations?  Am I at a age where I have to bend a little...  I don't personally feel that I have high standards but I may have to re-evaluate SOME things...

My last thought that I will share with you today...  Am I too comfortable with being single?  Have I been in this state of mind so long that I am not putting off an ora of the need to be in a relationship?  I was talking to a man recently and he seemed to believe that I may find it difficult to let go of the control that I have had to have in managing my own life by myself for so long.  It is an interesting thought but I don't think it will be difficult for me to do.

Thanks for reading and comment if you desire

Peace and Blessings....

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

How important is the physical relationship to you?

   There is a man that I have known for a little while now who is in his 30s.  We are friends and often have good conversations about general stuff.  Nothing in particular to name.  My friend had kidney failure a few years back and recently celebrated one year of having a kidney transplant. 

   He shared with me how all the medication he has to take currently makes him unable to perform in bed and how he sort of regrets the actions from his past that affected him to not be able to have a physical relationship with a woman at this age of his life.  I shared with him that for me the physical aspect of a relationship was important to me and I probably wouldn't want to date him because I know that would impact a relationship with him.  I find that along with all the other things that go on in relationships the physical part for me is significant.

  Now if this was someone that I was already involved with and had loved prior to all that has happened to him I probably would be okay.  However for me going into a relationship with someone who possibly would never be able to satisfy that need would be a road to disaster. 

  So I ask you...  How important is the physical relationship to you?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I had to abruptly let him go...

Hey all... I know it has been a few weeks since my last post but I needed a little break... 

It has been a little over a week since I abruptly let a man in my life go.  When I say abruptly I mean I just stopped communicating with him with no explanation.  The last conversation we had wasn't even a bad one however I realized that I had been in denial for a long time about the dynamics of our friendship. 

I have always been able to give what I would think to be sound advise to my friends and associates about relationships with people and it was time for me to start taking my own advise.  I felt this man was stringing me along and guess what I was allowing him to do so for many months...  I had nothing to look forward to other than the hope and/or possibility of a reunion of the relationship.  He would give me just enough words to keep me hopeful but nothing ever panned out.  I would say when are we going to be together and he would say very very soon but what I realized is that he was saying the same thing a year prior to that and the year prior to that.

I can never understand why people contradict what they say.  He told me he loved me and he was in love with me but yet the timing wasn't right for us to be together.  CONTRADICTION...  It took me a moment to get it but I finally got it last week.  I was in an unstable relationship.  I was bound to end up hating this person if I didn't get out when I could.  I was frustrated and in a state of denial but getting angry at the same time.  At that moment I knew I needed to release myself of this person and situation.  It was the only way I could truly move on with my life and give this dating game a fighting chance... 

I now feel lighter...  I feel a burden or cloud has been lifted and I am truly smiling again.  Never will I let something influence my emotions the way that situation did... 

Peace and Blessings

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Non-relationship, relationship

a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings 
b: a romantic or passionate attachment

Do relationships have to have titles?  And I say relationships because if you interact with a person then you are having relations with that person and therefore are in a relationship.  Okay so back to the subject... How important are titles to you?  How do titles change your relationships with your person of interest? 

In my specific situation right now I am comfortable with having a non-relationship, relationship...  Less stress...  I have agreed to just have fun and go with it.  I live in my place and he lives in his and we come together when we feel like it and when we don't it is okay.  No STRESS!!!  If life leads us to a place where we need to part ways or come a little closer together then we will cross that bridge when we get there... I am not judging anyone else but only specifically can talk about what is going on with me.

So think about this...  A bathtub, candles, and 2 glasses of wine and let your imagination do the rest... LOL

Funny thing is that we find ourselves in places that we never think that we will ever be in and right now I am in a GOOD PLACE...

Peace and Blessings 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cruel joke

Sometimes I feel like someone is playing a cruel joke on me. So I have met someone who is like minded in a way and he seems like a match but he is not ready for a relationship. As some of my peers would say "where dey do dat at?". I am a firm believer that people get placed in your life for a reason so I a seeing where the roads will lead but I tell you it at easy.

What I have to constantly realize is people are in different seasons all the time and hardly ever align. I am prayerful one day I will align with the right person at the right time but until then I just enjoying the ride.

Peace and blessings

Friday, March 30, 2012

Refusing to Be the 20%

I know a lot of you guys and gals have heard of the 80/20 rule.  Well at least the one that was referenced in the movie "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married"...  Basically in the movie the rule is that most men/women get 80% of what they need from a marriage yet they tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for them because it appears to be more to them when it really isn't... 

This theory is mostly why I do not entertain married men or men in committed relationships.  I don't want to be the 20.  It is possible that a man has everything he needs inside his relationship and is just having a moment of turbulence but instead of dealing with the turbulence they go to the 20.  They don't have to commit to the 20 or be responsible for breaking the 20's heart in any kind of way.  And it is very likely that once they realize all they had in their marriage or relationship they will go back to the 80 because it really made them happy all along.

Further reseach that I've done on the 80/20 rule and relationships lead me to the blog  .  The psychologist Dr. Adam Sheck says he believes 80% of the issues couples face can be resolved by dealing with 20% of their issues. 

He further suggest that if 80% of our needs are met in our relationships with our partners, what happens to the other 20%?  If we are mature and take responsibility for ourselves, we can meet those relational needs in appropriate ways with our friends, our family, our spiritual connection.  If not, we will suffer from the problem of "the grass is greener" and will look outside of our commitment to meet those needs.  This is how affairs often begin.  And then we've simply traded our 80% for that 20% and did it make us happy?  Usually not!

I absolutely do not want to be the "greener grass" and would rather be a suitable 80%.  Something to think about!!!

Peace and Blessings

Friday, March 16, 2012

Dealing with the EGO!!!

Before my recent move to my new home, I had signed up for Oprah's life class and was able to get a free journal. Well in the transition of the move I never received the journal and I didn't watch the life class episodes. Yesterday however I received in my P.O. Box the journal, pictured below.

So today I decided to go online and watch the life class online.  I actually only found the web cast of the show which was a portion they did after each episode.  The very first episode is about EGO.  Oprah had a guest on by the name of Rita and I had to share what Rita said:

      "I don't any longer think it is possible that other people can hurt me.  They're just giving me their observation. and I'm giving it meaning, and so I get to choose what that meaning is..."

WOW!!!  I can truly say that for me Rita's words are profound.  If you understand them the way I do then you know that you have to be HAPPY WITH YOURSELF and no one else can validate you because you already have EVERYTHING you need that is important.  We as people put value on things, people, places, and actions.  Take the single woman's chronicle blog for example...  I am almost allowing the need to be in a relationship become who I am and drown out my inner knowing.  But it was made simple to me in this web cast that "BEING HERE IS THE ONLY VALUE THAT IS REAL AND IMPORTANT". 

I have a better awareness now and I am so thankful for self development and awareness.

If you want to check out the web cast click below:

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Do opposites really attract?

I recently had a conversation with a man who is interested in dating.  He is actually a person who works at the same place and attend the same church as me.  Funny thing is our paths haven't really crossed until now. 

During the conversation it was revealed that he is more of a home body and finds comfort with being at home instead of being out.  He also realized that I am much more outgoing than he is.  He surely was more of an introvert because I found myself just chatting right along during the conversation because the extrovert in me is nothing that I hide...  I think it is important for any two people trying to date or be in a relationship to show their true personality from the beginning. 

So he made the comment that opposites attract.  I can't say that I am a firm believer of that statement in regards to personalities.  Well, maybe they do but there has to be balance.  While I am assertive and outgoing if I am going to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite I need them to be able to balance me out and I do the same for them.  My personal thoughts are opposites don't work when one personality out-shines the other.  Someone in that kind of situation is going to be drained because they have to work even harder to make every one happy.  That can take a toll on a person and ultimately burn them out. 

Another thing that I have to think about when interacting with a introvert is I want to be able to take a back seat sometimes and I would need that person to be able to step up.  Being a working single mother of two very active children has me always being in that leader role.  I desire someone who can take the lead to take the slack off of me... 

Peace and Blessings


Saturday, March 10, 2012

iPhone is so sweet.

The technology of my iPhone has me not picking up my laptop at all. It is crazy. I now can update this blog from my phone. Can you say "Happy Camper"? Well this sets me up to do some "real-time" blog post as things happen on some of the more interesting experiences I have on dates. That way it will be fresh in my head. Lol. Anywho

Peace and blessings.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Can you relate?

Today I have been finishing up the February issue of Black Enterprise magazine and there is an impromptu interview with Tasha Smith.  The actress we have grown to know from Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married movies.

 In the article she said "a lot of women are insecure and fearful of abandonment, which makes them destructive and reactive".  This statement definitely got the wheels turning in my brain to think about what she was saying.  As a woman, I CAN RELATE!!!  I have been destructive and reactive in my relationships because I have been insecure and fearful that my significant other is going to leave or find someone else that is better than me.  The true test is learning how to deal with those emotions rationally. 

For me I find that I have gone from one extreme to the other.  Instead of being destructive and/or reactive, I now shut down.  I disguise it as me taking some time to think about things but the simple fact of the matter is that I don't deal with it at all.  I simply shut down and remove whatever situation I am in out of my mind.  This is not healthy for me at all.  I really need to work on dealing with those feelings and emotions better.  I am still a WORK IN PROGRESS... 

If you can relate leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts on this topic.

Peace and Blessings!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Back from a mini-vacation

Hey all...

I am just getting back from Charlotte, NC (CIAA).  A much needed mini-vacation and time spent with my best friend and her family.  Having solid relationships with your friends is just as important as having a relationship with a love interest.  I swear I laugh the hardest that I have laughed in a long time...  So I hope to be back on track this week with some interesting post about some things going on with me...  Here are a few pics from the trip... 

The "Crew"

Me and Ciroc Peach (LOL)

My family from another mother

Casual rocking my natural hair

Hope everyone is doing well...

Peace and Blessings...

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Must Make Progress...

I can truly say that in the matter of self development I have truly made progress.  This relates to my relationship status because I have come to a point in my life where I don't focus so much on not having but I do appreciate the things that I have.  While every day doesn't present itself as the best days of my life I am thankful for each and every one of them.

I did however let yesterday's lack of companionship get in the way of going to an event I had been invited to for weeks.  I totally forgot.  A girlfriend of mine was performing in a comedy show at a church and I truly forgot.  I could have been at her show laughing it up but I was sitting a my dark house watching t.v. thinking about the have-nots.  I am going to learn how to redirect the energy that I had yesterday to make sure that I focus on my purpose, plan, and agenda.  I can not believe I allowed those emotions to consume me yesterday.  It's all good.  We grow from these thing and that is exactly what I plan to do.

I hope Sunday February 26th finds you all perfectly well in God's grace...

Peace and Blessings

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Saturday Night

Here I spend another Saturday Night at home chilling..  Not by choice of course but by default...  When you are single you have to get use to being alone.  While I could use this time to build my business, tonight I would love to be out at a movie or something with someone... I mean the kids are gone for the weekend and I am sitting in this empty house alone... 

Strange thing is that I have asked 2 people to go to the movies tonight and one never answered and the other didn't want to see the movie that I wanted to see and vice-versa.  I am really trying to make some lemonade out of the lemons I have been handed... 

Well that's enough for now.  I hope all is well with you...

Peace and Blessings.....

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Why my Valentine's Date never showed up?

I should be coming at you today telling all about how my Valentine's Day date went so very well and such but I can't because it didn't happen because my date never showed up and that is all I am going to say about that.

I am learning to not stay in a negative head space and to use all my experiences as learning and self-development. 

While I do not want to put anyone in a box, I will say this...  My time is so valuable.  I don't like it to be wasted.  A simple phone call during the mist of your dilemma would have eliminated the ill feelings that I currently have.  But LIFE GOES ON...
The great thing about this happening on the very first date is I know what kind of person I am dealing with and I choose not to go forward.  People only do what you allow them to do.  And this type of behavior I refuse to tolerate.

I had a conversation with a friend recently about Karma and maybe that is what has it's hand in my attempts to be in a relationship.  Karma is a B----

Lesson Learned...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!!

John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him shall not parish but have everlasting life.

That is the best love that I could ever receive.  I hope you and yours is having a wonderful day!!!

Peace and Blessings.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Valentine's Day

Those who know me well, know that I am not a fan of Valentine's Day however I got asked out for Valentine's Day.  While a little apprehensive about it I accepted.  I figured I needed to come out of my little box and spread my wings to see what all the fuss is about.  I am actually flattered in a way and appreciative that someone would think of me enough to ask me out for that day.  I will update you later on how things turn out. 

Peace and Blessings

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

He made chilli....(What if there is a cultural difference?)

Okay so I went out on a couple of dates last week... The man is of Haitian decent...

Background info:
While I didn't grow up in Brooklyn per say, I did spend majority of my summers and breaks from school there as a child and pre-teen.  I remember attending a day camp named Get-Set Day School and I remember going there for Kindergarten.  This school was managed by west indians/haitians.  Now while I don't remember anything traumatizing happening I do remember the teachers being rather direct and some just down right mean.  And during that time they didn't spare the rod as this was a normal practice in school during that time (rulers hitting hands and legs).  At any rate, this has left an everlasting impression on me as I am 35 now and still have vivid memories of that place.

So back to the date(s)...  They were great... 
The first night... we met up at a club and he was attentive and chivalrous, which is always a plus...  He was well groomed and dressed and his cologne was perfect.  Even over all the noise and music we had a decent conversation.

The second night...  We watched 2 redbox movies and he cooked Chilli (pictured below)...  I appreciated this night as it allowed me to really have a conversation with him and see where his head is at.  Remember he is Haitian so there is a slight delay in me translating some of what he is saying but I am able to follow him...  He seems to have it put together..  He is currently serving in the military with plans to get out in September...  He says he is going to school full-time to become a physicians assistant and will not be working the first year of school. (side-eye)  And has plans to work PT the rest of the time in school... Another thing that was revealed is his smoking habit.. Although I have never seen him smoke he did tell me that he does smoke cigerettes sometimes when he drinks. (side-eye,again) But I couldn't tell as there wasn't a hint of the smell in his place or on his attire...  So all was well this night and I went on home feeling pretty darn good with another successful encounter...

The third night...  We met for drinks at a local bar and had a few appetizers and drinks...  Although I do have a great time with this man my gut is telling me to just remain friends with him... 

After thought:
There is a lingering thought that the traditional haitian is gonna rear its head out eventually.  From what I understand haitian men are controlling, possessive, and have a wandering eye with no shame about it...  I do want to give this man his fair chance but seriously have reservations about him....

Peace and Blessings

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I will never understand....

I will truly never understand why someone just stops communicating without explanation.  I can see why people put up barriers to their hearts because who really wants to put themselves out there just to be let down so rudely.  Then I have to think about KARMA...  Maybe it is just that.  As I have in the past done this...  I have just stopped communicating with someone for various reasons without offering them explanation. 

My second thought is people tend to speak to soon.  They express emotions and/or feelings that they may not truly feel because they haven't had a chance to fully get to know the other person.  Then when something triggers a "side-eye" they just back off without explanation.  I am not cool with this and I am learning for MYSELF to let the other party know exactly why I am making the decision to no longer communicate with them. 

Life teaches us really hard lessons and I can say that this lesson in love doesn't get easier with age.

So since this is a situation I am going through right now I sit here and wonder if I should try to get a reason for the lack of communication or just let it go...  I want to know so that I can learn from it or just see what was the trigger that turned him off...  Not that I would change anything about me unless it is something that I can grow from but just to have peace of mind... 

Well that's about all I have to say about that...

Peace and Blessings

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Pre-Valentines Day Singles Mingle

Just wanted to share an event for singles planned by my friend Alasha Bennett better know as the "Dating Mechanic.

If you are in the Hampton Roads Area be sure to check it out!!!
This will be a sell-out event so make sure you get your tickets early.  For more ticket information visit her site at

I will be there... I hope you will too!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

If I am not energetic about him... He has got to GO!!!

So it has been 2 weeks and the fire is gone...  It actually went out a day or two after my first date...  Meeting someone is just like starting a business...  If it not something you are passionate about then you may need to rethink your niche.  Well I am not passionate about him so he had to go...  His lack of enthusiasm compared to my over abundance of enthusiasm just wasn't working...

How do you get to know someone when they you don't have time?  If you work FT plus have college courses M-Th at night and spend Fri, Sat, and Sun with  your brother how/when do you make time for a woman? 

I did make 3 or 4 attempts to suggest visits, outings, etc...  Every one of them got shot down...  What in the world is really going on...  Anywho...  As Jay-Z would say... On to the next one... 

Here is how the very last conversation went:

Peace and Blessings.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Term "Dating"

I am learning that you have to be careful when interpreting how a person defines some words.  Since this is the Single Woman's Chronicles and I talk about my experiences I wanted to dissect the word "dating"...

So according to Wikipedia:

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

Is it possible to be "dating" more than one person?  I mean do we have to put all our eggs in one basket initially?  Is it fair to the other person who may not be doing the same?  I really think these things should be discussed in the beginning because your definition of dating may not match up with the other person's definition.

One may think that they are dating you exclusively but not realize that you are exploring your options.  The real question for me is if I could truly get a good assessment of a suitable partner if I am dating more than one person...  Interestingly enough I may have to try it... LOL

Peace and Blessings

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How much information do you share?

We are in the times where social media is very relevant in our everyday lives.  When meeting new people how much contact information do you give?  I have found myself in a place where I want to share somethings and keep somethings to myself.  I want to feel comfortable first before I let someone into certain parts of my life. (Facebook being one of them) 

I don't have anything to hide really but I do feel like Facebook gives a prospect access to my family and my friends that I may not want them to have access to yet.  Nor do I want to be blinded by obsessive searches through a persons photos to see if I can find anything that is not right... At least not at first... LOL...  I do feel a little like social media can be a distraction when trying to date.  You are almost dissected by every thing you say and/or do... 

In a past relationship my significant other asked me to unfriend every man that I dated or had a encounter with.  Was this a valid request.  I mean the fact that it didn't work out for me and the person as a couple doesn't mean that we can not still be cordial...  Is this wrong of me to think that way? 

I think once you get to a certain level of commitment then I can open up myself to sharing more of my life.  I think that is fair. 

Monday, January 16, 2012

I feel like an amatuer when it comes to dating...

     Last week I went out on a date for the first time in a while with someone who is interested in me in more than just being friends.  The date was a good experience as both of us were engaged in conversation most of the time and there wasn't to much awkward silence. 

There was a genuine attraction. 

     So as we talked over dinner, I made the comment "if we date" and this man basically stopped me mid sentence and declared that WE ARE DATING...  In shock and aww I just shut my mouth.  How dare he tell me what we are doing...  LOL  but isn't this exactly what I have been wanting?  A man who is not afraid to declare his feelings, who knows what he wants in a woman and relationship.  Lays his cards on the table and plays them at will...

     This was a lesson learned for sure... I have to let my guard down a bit.  I think my actions and words sometimes because defense mechanisms to avoid another broken heart.  It really is just me getting into my own way...  I will see what happens with this one...

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Years from A Single Woman

Just wanted to post real quick to wish everyone a Happy New Year.  I do what I normally do on New Year's Eve...  I go to church!!!  I absolutely love the intimate relationship that I have with God and the fact that it is growing is even better.  So no other place I would rather be than in worship...  Since my service at church was early I brought in the new year twisting my natural hair and watching the ball drop on TV and I am okay with that.

I can say this, in 2011 I have grown tremendously.  I am more confident in my status and just overall life.  I have always had more good days than bad and I am excited to take responsibility for my actions as it pertains to my relationship status. The most important thing is for me to love myself, which I DO SO VERY MUCH... LOL

Peace and Blessings and HAPPY NEW YEAR