Friday, March 30, 2012

Refusing to Be the 20%

I know a lot of you guys and gals have heard of the 80/20 rule.  Well at least the one that was referenced in the movie "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married"...  Basically in the movie the rule is that most men/women get 80% of what they need from a marriage yet they tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for them because it appears to be more to them when it really isn't... 

This theory is mostly why I do not entertain married men or men in committed relationships.  I don't want to be the 20.  It is possible that a man has everything he needs inside his relationship and is just having a moment of turbulence but instead of dealing with the turbulence they go to the 20.  They don't have to commit to the 20 or be responsible for breaking the 20's heart in any kind of way.  And it is very likely that once they realize all they had in their marriage or relationship they will go back to the 80 because it really made them happy all along.

Further reseach that I've done on the 80/20 rule and relationships lead me to the blog  .  The psychologist Dr. Adam Sheck says he believes 80% of the issues couples face can be resolved by dealing with 20% of their issues. 

He further suggest that if 80% of our needs are met in our relationships with our partners, what happens to the other 20%?  If we are mature and take responsibility for ourselves, we can meet those relational needs in appropriate ways with our friends, our family, our spiritual connection.  If not, we will suffer from the problem of "the grass is greener" and will look outside of our commitment to meet those needs.  This is how affairs often begin.  And then we've simply traded our 80% for that 20% and did it make us happy?  Usually not!

I absolutely do not want to be the "greener grass" and would rather be a suitable 80%.  Something to think about!!!

Peace and Blessings

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