Friday, March 30, 2012

Refusing to Be the 20%

I know a lot of you guys and gals have heard of the 80/20 rule.  Well at least the one that was referenced in the movie "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married"...  Basically in the movie the rule is that most men/women get 80% of what they need from a marriage yet they tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for them because it appears to be more to them when it really isn't... 

This theory is mostly why I do not entertain married men or men in committed relationships.  I don't want to be the 20.  It is possible that a man has everything he needs inside his relationship and is just having a moment of turbulence but instead of dealing with the turbulence they go to the 20.  They don't have to commit to the 20 or be responsible for breaking the 20's heart in any kind of way.  And it is very likely that once they realize all they had in their marriage or relationship they will go back to the 80 because it really made them happy all along.

Further reseach that I've done on the 80/20 rule and relationships lead me to the blog  .  The psychologist Dr. Adam Sheck says he believes 80% of the issues couples face can be resolved by dealing with 20% of their issues. 

He further suggest that if 80% of our needs are met in our relationships with our partners, what happens to the other 20%?  If we are mature and take responsibility for ourselves, we can meet those relational needs in appropriate ways with our friends, our family, our spiritual connection.  If not, we will suffer from the problem of "the grass is greener" and will look outside of our commitment to meet those needs.  This is how affairs often begin.  And then we've simply traded our 80% for that 20% and did it make us happy?  Usually not!

I absolutely do not want to be the "greener grass" and would rather be a suitable 80%.  Something to think about!!!

Peace and Blessings

Friday, March 16, 2012

Dealing with the EGO!!!

Before my recent move to my new home, I had signed up for Oprah's life class and was able to get a free journal. Well in the transition of the move I never received the journal and I didn't watch the life class episodes. Yesterday however I received in my P.O. Box the journal, pictured below.

So today I decided to go online and watch the life class online.  I actually only found the web cast of the show which was a portion they did after each episode.  The very first episode is about EGO.  Oprah had a guest on by the name of Rita and I had to share what Rita said:

      "I don't any longer think it is possible that other people can hurt me.  They're just giving me their observation. and I'm giving it meaning, and so I get to choose what that meaning is..."

WOW!!!  I can truly say that for me Rita's words are profound.  If you understand them the way I do then you know that you have to be HAPPY WITH YOURSELF and no one else can validate you because you already have EVERYTHING you need that is important.  We as people put value on things, people, places, and actions.  Take the single woman's chronicle blog for example...  I am almost allowing the need to be in a relationship become who I am and drown out my inner knowing.  But it was made simple to me in this web cast that "BEING HERE IS THE ONLY VALUE THAT IS REAL AND IMPORTANT". 

I have a better awareness now and I am so thankful for self development and awareness.

If you want to check out the web cast click below:

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Do opposites really attract?

I recently had a conversation with a man who is interested in dating.  He is actually a person who works at the same place and attend the same church as me.  Funny thing is our paths haven't really crossed until now. 

During the conversation it was revealed that he is more of a home body and finds comfort with being at home instead of being out.  He also realized that I am much more outgoing than he is.  He surely was more of an introvert because I found myself just chatting right along during the conversation because the extrovert in me is nothing that I hide...  I think it is important for any two people trying to date or be in a relationship to show their true personality from the beginning. 

So he made the comment that opposites attract.  I can't say that I am a firm believer of that statement in regards to personalities.  Well, maybe they do but there has to be balance.  While I am assertive and outgoing if I am going to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite I need them to be able to balance me out and I do the same for them.  My personal thoughts are opposites don't work when one personality out-shines the other.  Someone in that kind of situation is going to be drained because they have to work even harder to make every one happy.  That can take a toll on a person and ultimately burn them out. 

Another thing that I have to think about when interacting with a introvert is I want to be able to take a back seat sometimes and I would need that person to be able to step up.  Being a working single mother of two very active children has me always being in that leader role.  I desire someone who can take the lead to take the slack off of me... 

Peace and Blessings


Saturday, March 10, 2012

iPhone is so sweet.

The technology of my iPhone has me not picking up my laptop at all. It is crazy. I now can update this blog from my phone. Can you say "Happy Camper"? Well this sets me up to do some "real-time" blog post as things happen on some of the more interesting experiences I have on dates. That way it will be fresh in my head. Lol. Anywho

Peace and blessings.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Can you relate?

Today I have been finishing up the February issue of Black Enterprise magazine and there is an impromptu interview with Tasha Smith.  The actress we have grown to know from Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married movies.

 In the article she said "a lot of women are insecure and fearful of abandonment, which makes them destructive and reactive".  This statement definitely got the wheels turning in my brain to think about what she was saying.  As a woman, I CAN RELATE!!!  I have been destructive and reactive in my relationships because I have been insecure and fearful that my significant other is going to leave or find someone else that is better than me.  The true test is learning how to deal with those emotions rationally. 

For me I find that I have gone from one extreme to the other.  Instead of being destructive and/or reactive, I now shut down.  I disguise it as me taking some time to think about things but the simple fact of the matter is that I don't deal with it at all.  I simply shut down and remove whatever situation I am in out of my mind.  This is not healthy for me at all.  I really need to work on dealing with those feelings and emotions better.  I am still a WORK IN PROGRESS... 

If you can relate leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts on this topic.

Peace and Blessings!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Back from a mini-vacation

Hey all...

I am just getting back from Charlotte, NC (CIAA).  A much needed mini-vacation and time spent with my best friend and her family.  Having solid relationships with your friends is just as important as having a relationship with a love interest.  I swear I laugh the hardest that I have laughed in a long time...  So I hope to be back on track this week with some interesting post about some things going on with me...  Here are a few pics from the trip... 

The "Crew"

Me and Ciroc Peach (LOL)

My family from another mother

Casual rocking my natural hair

Hope everyone is doing well...

Peace and Blessings...